• Panic! Get the stress out of your system. Then take a step back and take a deep breath. Now begin to prepare for your new arrival. It helps to plan as much ahead, as you can. 
• It is important to know how many days you and/or your significant other can take off from work once the baby is home.
• Try to stretch your time at home with the baby before placing the little one into childcare. For example, mom take the first leave from work. As mom's leave from work comes to an end, dad should then take his leave. It helps increase your bonding time with your new baby.
• If you plan on one person staying at home once the baby arrives, begin living off one income now. This way you can adjust your spending to your new income restrictions before baby comes home and adds on all those extra expenses.
• Find out how your family feels about adoption!
  • Will you have relationships end if you adopt?
  • Can you live without those relationships?
  • Is race or gender an issue for you or your loved ones?
• Take a look at your current schedule. What are you willing to change. For example, are you willing to drastically reduce the time you spend playing golf or shopping with friends in order to make time for the baby? Are you willing to give up some of your activities to make more time for the new addition? If the answer is no, now might not be the best time to add a new addition to your family.
• Always include your toll free number and website address in your advertisements for Birthmothers.
• Register as if you were pregnant. Register for non-gender specific items as soon as your home study is finished and you have received approval to adopt. You can always go back and add on gender specific items when you know if you are being blessed with a boy or girl.
• Check with your insurance. Will they cover the baby in the hospital once born? Is your insurance specific to certain care providers. If so, be prepared. The mother's hospital of choice may differ from the preferred location of your insurance. This may require the baby to be transferred by ambulance once you have guardianship in order for medical expenses to be covered under your insurance policy.
• Find out ahead of time what you need to do in order to add the baby to your insurance once the baby is born?
• Discuss with your partner if you are willing to still adopt if the baby is born with unexpected defects.
• Couples should always remember you are a team!
• For those having a baby who spit up a lot. Our son was a projectile vomiter. We found that using Avent bottles led to less spit up and he no longer projectile vomits. Thanks Avent! Children may differ from which bottle works best.
• Photo's are something a lot of expecting/birthmother's would like. Before the baby is born prepare for your photo album or scrap booking. If you scrap book, get all of your accessories and items before so you are ready to go once the baby is born. In most cases the first photo/contact is given after the first week the baby is born. Going to Wal-Mart or Meijer or wherever you prefer to shop for scrap book materials the first week the baby is home will make your life hectic!
• With photo's and especially scrapbooking, just make two copies of those really special moments. One for you and one for the birthmother. Remember she has given you a gift.
• Some birthmother's love the photos and some want them stored at the adoption agency or attorney's office until she is ready to view them. Think of it as a "thank you" to the birthmother and not an invasion on your provacy and you are on the right track. It's also a lot less stressful to think of sending a picture, such a small gesture, as a thank you. Afterall, your new baby will mean the world to you. So why stress over sharing a few photos.
• If a biological father is named include the biological father by sending photo's and/or letters too.
• Prepare a system for collecting items from the birthmother for your little one. Will photo's of the biological mom, dad, and any siblings be included with your child's photos? Will they have a seperate album, or be kept in a box until your little one asks for information on their biological parents? If you decide to not keep information for them, you might consider having the information kept at the agency or attorney's office as a "just in case" the little one asks for information as they get older. 
• While you are waiting, it is okay to start getting ready for the baby. It's okay to clean out a room or even decorate a room. Browse for cribs, and so on. Child safety proof the house. But wait until you have adoption approval.
• CAR SEAT! Don't forget you will need a car seat to take home your little miracle. Most hospitals are now requiring a 5 points car seat. Be sure to check with your local hospital before purchasing a car seat. If you forget don't stress too much, most hospitals have emergency car seats available, but you may have to pay more and you often have no color selection.
• Register your items, such as the car seat, stroller, crib, and so on. Registration is the only way companies have a way of contacting you in the event of an item recall. Otherwise, you will be making constant trips to Babies R Us or an equivalent store to make sure your car seat (and other items) are not on recall.
• Interact with other adopting parents. Don't be afraid to ask about their experiences (good & bad).
• Hate mail does exists when you are trying to adopt. For example, my husband and I received multiple emails attacking us for wanting to adopt. One called us "baby thieves." Hopefully, you will not get similar mailings, but if you do remember everyone has the right to their own opinion and it is up to you to accept or ignore the criticism.
• Buy a pack of diapers and/or diaper wipes once a month while you are waiting for your bundle of joy. It helps offset those no expenses.
• Think about baby announcements. Look online, ask around, etc. before the baby is born.
• Be prepared for possible disappointment. A small percentage of expecting mothers change their mind right after the baby is born.
• Never give up hope.
• Expect the unexpected. For example, our little one was due in August and he arrived July 3rd. Delivery dates are anticipated not guaranteed dates. As with every day life, some of us are almost always early, exactly on time, or late.
• Be flexible and patient. If you develop too much structure you may find yourself frustrated when things do not occur on your specific timeline.  
• It's okay to feel a sense of sadness and a desire to comfort the birthmother. But know no words exists that can comfort her loss. Just be present if she asks for you, and don't be offended if she asks you to leave. Your greatest joy is a great loss to her as she is setting aside her own needs in an effort to provide her child with unconditional love. Remember YOU are the greatest gift she can give her child!
• It is okay to say no. If a birthmom requests something you do not feel comfortable with it is better to say you do not feel comfortable with the request. For example, what if the birthmom wants to name the baby and requests her/his name not be changed by you as the adoptive parents. For some couples this is not an issue, and for others the adoptive parents want to name their new arrival.
• Don't be surprised if the birthmom thanks you. We felt so thankful to our son's birthmother as we have been waiting for a little one for nearly 10 years. We were filled with thanks, love, joy, happiness, and sadness/empathy for the birthmom all at once. We kept thanking her for our blessing, and she kept thanking us for being her blessing. Adoption is really a beautiful exchange of love and interconnectedness!
• Be honest. Really think about what you are looking for in an adoption. How open would you like the adoption or do you prefer a closed adoption. Domestic or International adoption. 

• Take courses on becoming an adoptive parent. Educate yourself on the love, stress, and heart-ache that goes into becoming a birthmother.

• Do not be afraid to ask the expecting mother questions. At the same time be prepared to answer her questions.

• Do not be afraid to say to an expectant mother, "Thank you for meeting/talking with us. But we do not feel this is a good match." Never go into a situation where you do not feel comfortable. We interacted with five potential birthmother's before we found a "good" match for our family. For us, the lucky number was five, but it could be number one for you.

• Make a list of questions before speaking with the expecting mother.

• Create a website for advertising. Tag your web address to your newspaper announcements and this will help you tremendously in receiving responses.

• It's okay to interact with the expecting mother via email.

• Always have an adoption representative working on your behalf (agency or attorney).

• Encourage the expecting mother to take advantage of counseling pre- and post-birth.

• Make sure you are financially ready to adopt. At the same time do not let the cost of adoption scare you away from actually adopting. Various financial programs exists to help with adoption cost.

• Educate your family, friends, and loved ones on adoption

• Have a shower for the new addition(s) to your family. This is a great way to introduce him/her/them to your family and friends and vice versa.

This list was compiled by Dr. Brandon & Amanda Houk on 8/10/07. Please email abhealth@live.com if you would like to add more to the list.